Monday, October 31, 2011

The Phantom Lady






THE PHANTOM LADY

Aloha everyone! Once again the occasion has arisen where it is the appointed hour to be awed by the essays and opinions of everyone's most admired online individual! As such, this is the oft-adored Oddcube offering you, my esteemed audience, the latest in my ongoing arrangement of unparalleled and informative articles!

Or, in plain speak; Hi, and welcome to the column! It's time for another Odd Review!

If you've been here before, welcome back, you have excellent taste! If you haven't been here before, congrats, you're becoming even cooler with every word that you read here!* But you probably want to know what goes on here.

You see, it's like this: I, Oddcube, the enviable apex of intellect and unpretentiousness (and yes I DID type that with a straight face), pick a subject that suits my mood, do minimal research to sound like I might know what I'm talking about, then write up an article about it explaining why you should seek out or avoid it! What sorts of subjects do I pick? Oh, movies, books, TV shows, video games...whatever I feel like talking about, really. I give you some facts and opinions about it, and tell ya why it is or is not worth your time. Why do I do all that? Cuz it keeps me up at night to think that you might be missing out on something cool! I also assign a rating to each subject, cuz people dig that and it helps give the impression of a legitimate review.

This month I'm gonna tell you about a book called "The Phantom Lady". Now, I know this sounds like a good Halloween-type book, but it's not really. It's not even supposed to be. It's a mystery story by the late, great Cornell Woolrich! Ever heard of him? Even if you haven't, there's a good chance you know some of his work. Cornell Woolrich was a writer back in the day of pulp magazines. He specialized in mystery stories and his stories defined the moody atmosphere now known as noir. He was a prolific author and his stories were often adapted to various radio shows and movies. Perhaps the most famous movie based on one of his stories is the Hitchcock classic "Rear Window".

Like several other prolific writers of classic pulp, Cornell Woolrich was often credited by a pseudonym. It is under the pen name of William Irish that "The Phantom Lady" was published by J.B. Lippincott as "A Story Press Book" in August of 1942. It was reprinted several times. My copy is a Ballantine Book published in December 1982, runs for 240 pages, not including an introduction by someone named Francis M. Nevins Jr., who tells us a little bit about Woolrich's life and career.

And now the actual story:

It takes place in New York, presumably contemporary 1942, cuz that's when it was written. The story presumably starts either on a Friday or Saturday night, cuz Woolrich keeps going on and on about it being 'date night' and this half of the city is rushing to keep a date with that half of the city. Six pm, Scott Henderson walks down the street in the foul mood. He's just had a fight with his wife and stormed out. See, Henderson is married but he wants a divorce so he can marry his secretary, Carol Richman. He and his wife were supposed to go out to dinner and a show, his way of buttering her up in the hopes of getting her in an agreeable mood, but she wouldn't go. Angry, he threatened to go anyway with the first stranger he chanced to meet, she laughed at him.

So he wanders the streets and on the spur of the moment he decided to go into this bar he happens to be passing. In the bar he meets this woman who wears a hat that resembles a pumpkin...which is about the best Halloween connection we're gonna get out this. Anyway, he invited her to dinner and the show, but because he doesn't wanna talk about his troubles, he suggests that they do NOT exchange any personal information, not even names. Intrigued and amused, she agrees.

So, they go outside and hail a cab. Two cabs stop, one tries to cut off the other and steal the fare. Their cabbie has the unusual name of Al Alp. They take the cab to a fancy restaurant where they dine. Then another cab takes them to a club called the Casino to see a singer named Estella Mendoza—who happens to have the exact same hat as the lady companion. Henderson's date says that Mendoza is totally cheesed off that they both have the same hat, and when the singer tosses flowers to the ladies in the audience, Henderson's date does not get one until she stands up for the whole audience to see.

When they leave the theater they happen to bump into a blind panhandler on their way to a cab. They return to the bar where they met, share a nightcap, shake hands, and go their separate ways.

Henderson goes home and finds cops in his living room. The main cop, Burgess, does most of the talking. Henderson finds out that his wife is dead, throttled with one of his neckties. The cops arrest him for the murder of his wife, he goes to trial, is found guilty, and after every appeal that can be made is made...he awaits his execution.

Of course, he keeps telling everyone what happened, but no one believes him. He doesn't know the name of the woman he was out with, has no way of contacting her. To make things worse, when the cops go around questioning witnesses like the barman, the cabbie, doormen, waiters...they all swear that Henderson was alone! Only his mystery woman can verify how soon they met—which would clear him of the charges—but he can't even prove she exists!

After all the appeals are done with, the cop Burgess comes to see Henderson in his cell. Burgess has changed his mind and decides that Henderson must be telling the truth or he would have come up with a different story by now. So he offers to continue investigating—unofficially, of course—in the hopes of finding this woman. He has the help of Carol Richman, Henderson's secretary/mistress/love interest. Also, Henderson asks Burgess to call in his good buddy, John Lombard, who recently moved to Venezuela as part of a five-year contract he signed with some oil-mining company. Much to Henderson's surprise, Lombard comes back to New York to help look for The Girl.

So Henderson's girlfriend, Carol Richman, goes to Anselmo's Bar and just stares at the bartender. When the bar closes, she follows him home. She never says anything, just stares at him and follows him. This goes on for a couple of days before he finally snaps, yells at her, and darts away...right into the busy street where he gets hit by a car and dies.

She gets tickets to the theater, reserves the table right in front of the drummer...oh yeah. I forgot to mention the drummer, didn't I? Well, the drummer was totally checking out the Girl in the Pumpkin Hat. Anyway, Carol tarts herself up and makes at the drummer through the whole show so that afterward he picks her up. They hit a few clubs with the rest of the musicians, then she gets right nervous when they go into a back room to smoke reefers and jam. The drummer takes her back to his place and she tries to wheedle some info out of him, but he's coming down and gets all paranoid. He babbles about how "they said they'd kill me if I told anyone...and you made me tell!" So she runs away and calls Burgess, but by the time they go back to the drummer's place, the drummer committed suicide.

Burgess is afraid to sent Carol out again, so Lombard sorta takes over the investigation. He tracks down the blind panhandler, who turns out to be a fraud with perfect eyesight. He can confirm that Henderson had a lady with him so Lombard goes to call Burgess. But when they go back into the panhandler's rooming house they find the phony blind man has fallen down the steps and broke his neck.

He talks to cabbies, waiters, and doormen, but they all prove useless. So then Lombard goes to see Mendoza, the singer. She remembers the incident, and is still cheesed off about it. She remembers the woman vividly, but never noticed that anyone was with her! However, she tells Lombard that her hat was supposed to be a one-of-a-kind, specially made for her as a sort of signature piece for her show. She gives him the name and address of the place she got it, in the hopes that he can find the person who made and sold the copy.

So he goes to the hat shop and talks to the owner. He finds out the person that made the hat for Mendoza—a seamstress named Madge Peyton—was fired because they think she was making copies of stuff and selling them. They couldn't prove it, but they were right. Lombard goes to see the seamstress and gets the name and address of the person she made the hat for: Pierrette Douglas. Finally a name!

So Lombard goes to see this chick Douglas...and she hasn't got the hat! She's not the chick we've spent the whole book looking for! It turns out that she wore the hat once, didn't like it and forgot about it. That is, until a friend of hers came over and spied it and tried it on and liked it. So Pierrette gave her the hat! But she didn't want to tell Lombard the Girl's name without a substantial bribe. So he gives her a check and she gives him a first name (no last name) and address. But when he follows the lead she gave him, the address is a fire station, and the name belongs to a Dalmatian! He calls Burgess and they go back to see Pierrette and find her dead, apparently she tripped on the rug and fell out the window.

Then, with about three days left before the execution, Lombard goes to see Henderson in his cell and tell him what's been going on and to go over the story again for some new lead to follow. And they come up with one final last-ditch plan to try and find the Girl with the Pumpkin Hat...but I don't think I should tell you about it cuz it IS supposed to be a mystery and I'd hate to spoil it for you!

It was pretty cool, if a little far-fetched. I mean, ok, technically it COULD happen in real life. And if it did, you'd pretty much be up a creek without a paddle. But the odds on this specific set of circumstances would be REALLY high! I was a little surprised about a couple of things in the ending, but I don't really think I should say what they are. But I guess I can say that I was impressed when I found out why the Girl with the Pumpkin Hat didn't step forward any sooner than she did.

I'm no expert on mysteries, especially in book form, but it seems to me that like all pulp, this was a little hokey. Not necessarily in a bad way, but hokey all the same. I mean, having four or five of the witnesses die during the investigation seemed a bit extreme to me, even if some of them were accidents. Seriously, I haven't seen so many people die in one mystery since "The Private Eyes"...or "Clue The Movie"! But, as long as you don't take the whole thing too seriously, it is an amusing story and well worth reading.

Except of course, I can't just say that, I have to apply a rating to help support my clever disguise as a legitimate review. To do that, I'm going to employ the use of my handy-dandy D&D percentage dice! Don't know what they are? Don't worry, it's easy. Percentage dice are simply two ten-sided dice, one counts as the tens place and one counts as the ones place. So together they randomly determine a number between 01 (so low it makes the bottom of the barrel look like the penthouse) and 00, which actually stands for 100 (the stuff that dreams are made of AND the dreams made out of that stuff!). So I shall give them a nice fair roll like so...

...and end up with a nice, fair, unbiased 83!








So there ya have it friends! That's the way the mop flops! But remember, that's only one idiot's opinion, and you don't have to take it! You could read the book for yourself. It's available at Amazon, and possibly in your local used book store (I find mine in one).) I understand that a movie was made of "The Phantom Lady" back in 1944, but I haven't seen it so I don't know if it's any good.

I guess that's about all I have to say about this. Be sure to tune in again next time when I'll talk about something else! Like what? I don't know yet! So just tune in and find out, ok? You know, be there and be square and all that jazz!

In the meantime, feel free to leave a comment below, telling me if you've read "The Phantom Lady" or any other Cornell Woolrich stories. Or what mystery stories you have read or seen. Yeah, that's a good one! What's your favorite mystery? Let me know in the comments below! Cuz it's the end of the show and I have to go! That's all there is and there ain't no mo'!

-----Your Buddy, Oddcube







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